Since I last posted, I've been hobbling. In fact I just got up to go to the fridge and winced at the effort of placing my left foot down.
The culprit is a pair of innocent looking flat black patent ballet pumps which I bought a couple of months ago. I would never have imagined they would cause me such pain, but despite nearly falling over in agony if I got up to go to the loo in the night, I procrastinated about buying some more shoes for ages. Firstly, this is because there is so much choice, but also because a lot of what I saw just didn't appeal to me and was neither comfy or stylish. Sometimes one or the other, but never both.
I would find myself to be sort-of-in-the-mood to get some shoes, but then one brief look down the highstreet would put me off, such is the complete absence of anything comfortable but not completely ugly.
It left me wondering why shoes for women are either:
a) Incredibly comfortable and bouncy but absolutely devoid of any flair, whatsoever. Did they TRY to make the shoe look as grim as possible?!
b) Totally flat, dainty, gorgeous and stylish, but with no soles, and instead made what appears to be Medium Density Fibreboard and which offers about as much support as wearing greetings cards on one's feet.
I love to look smart, and well turned out, but I was also starting to limp a bit from all these cute shoes. Something had to give.
Wierdly, all this indecision and mild suffering over footwear got me thinking about some strange parallels with the complete inertia I have been in with my career and personal goals lately. The dainty ballet shoes I bought with high hopes back in February have almost cripped me, just as the career path I anticipated taking in my earlier twenties hasn't panned out. Consequently, my brain is hobbling through the interim whilst I plod on in a job I don't feel right for. My intellect has a limp, and my self esteem has significant aches and pains when I think of my strident, decisive and high achieving contemporaries, powering on in their careers of choice.
Lately, although I love where I work, I am struggling committing to a career path as much as to a damn pair of shoes!
See, I had the limbo of indecision about footwear because I knew this pair of shoes had to tick so many boxes; they needed to solve the pain problem whilst also making me look and feel nice, and it was taking a long time to find something with the right balance of both. I did not know where to turn for a good balance of comfort, flair, and some individuality. Career aspirations are the same.
Perhaps it is my idealistic nature getting to work in situations like this-I have a habit of using more logic more than instinct, until the point where I have absolutely no idea what to do.
In the end though on Sunday afternoon, I took the plunge with a pair of strange modern bright pink lace ups with the comfiest support inside. I can wear them with everything but they were not what I had in mind-I would never have gone for them. I realized though, that sometimes life isn't about getting exactly what we had in mind-and that as soon as we stop dwelling on why there isn't enough of what we want, we're open to new things, and they're probably nicer than we thought.
I'm not saying big life decisions are necessarily akin to buying shoes, but I can't help thinking there's a lesson in holding out for the right fit whilst also keeping an open mind. The first step was knowing something was up with my foot and finding something that fits me better. So here's to refusing to be uncomfortable, or even in pain, but being wise enough to accept that sometimes, the right thing isn't in our usual colour.
